Seniors Travel Advisory Part 1

It’s the Big Day! You and your spouse have worked for this moment your whole lives, and retirement is finally here. Now that you are cashing those sweet government cheques, the two of you can relax and pursue some of your long put-off passions. Hobbies such as trying to remember grandkid’s names, blue-plate special bargain-hunting, and attaining that PhD in crotchetiness you always talked about getting are no longer beyond your reach. You might even be able to go after the huckleberry of all retirement dreams: seniors’ bus tours to exotic destinations!

Unfortunately, due to the current economic downturn, many retirees no longer have the net worth they had hoped would carry them through these golden years. As such, many pensioners have been forced to abandon the long-held seniors practice of arranging travel through a travel agent, whom they could speak to directly by simply punching the extra-large numbers on their home telephone. Today, many not-so-computer-savvy oldsters have decided it is more economical to book their own travel on internet travel websites like Expedia.com. This practice is fraught with danger, however, and we here at Seniors Travel Advisory have learned that the culprit is in fact the drop down search suggestion menu. We have learned of many tragic cases of well-meaning sight-impaired multigenarians accidentally selecting the wrong destination for their trip, with sometimes disastrous consequences. Over the next few weeks, we hope to shed light on some all too common mistakes made by these “accidental tourists.”

Today’s Example:

Couple A decides to take a long overdue seniors bus tour of North Carolina. They have always wanted to see the beautiful beaches, mountains, historical architecture, and golf courses of this picturesque state whizzing by their window at 60 miles per hour, and by golly, now is the time. In their haste to select from the search suggestion drop down menu, however, a critical mistake is made. Perhaps reading glasses had not recently been upgraded or maybe a whole Mai Tai had been consumed at lunch four hours earlier, we will never know. Sadly, instead of North Carolina, these unfortunate folks mistakenly selected a bus tour of North Korea! They have not been heard from to this day. In order to prevent this very tragedy from ever again occurring in the future, we here at S.T.A. believe that education is the key. Before booking a tour of North Carolina look for the following red flags in the trip itinerary:

Under “Gratuities”:

North Carolina: A 15% gratuity may be added to your meal purchases.

North Korea: Your credit card may be maxed out to purchase black market oil. *RED FLAG*

Under “Things To Do”:

North Carolina: Scooter along beaches, scooter around towns, scooter through the Appalachians.

North Korea: Forced manual labour, body parts harvestee, torture practice dummy. *RED FLAG*

Under “Accommodation”:

North Carolina: Any roadside motel containing a Denny’s.

North Korea: Prison, Work Camp, Unmarked Grave. *RED FLAG*

Under “Departure Time”:

North Carolina: Meet at the West 6th Avenue Denny’s at noon.

North Korea: Meet at the Los Angeles Port Authority Ship Loading Facility, Container 54675, at dusk. *RED FLAG*

We hope this has been as educational for you long-in-the-toothers as it has been satisfying for us to help out. Stay tuned for future Seniors Travel Advisory announcements and remember:

GOOD:

NOT SO GOOD: