Exclusive: Dear Leader to Model Jacket in Fall L.L. Bean Catalog!

We’ve just received some exciting news from across the pond, over a couple of islands, past a demilitarized zone, under some razor wire and on the other side of a Bouncing Betty filled mine field! Our North Korean correspondent Dim Sum-Cok has filed a report from the country’s capital of Poontang that none other than Despot Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il himself is going to be appearing in the Fall L.L. Bean catalog. As a model! In an apparent effort to reach out to the underserviced market for drab yuppie clothing in brutal communist dictator-run countries, L.L. Bean managed to retain the modeling services of perhaps the best loved, best respected, and most desired man in North Korea, if not the whole New Millenium Axis of Evil ©. *Did I say that last part right? I did? Good. Do you think maybe you could put the gun down now? Oh, you can’t? Alrighty, let’s just go with that then.*

Despite a rumoured battle with cancer and an impromptu visit from globetrotting horndog and admitted aficionado of the Asian Persuasion Bill Clinton, Dear Leader still found the time to work it for the camera. In this exclusive first peek, we are treated to a glimpse of the charisma that until now only members of his inner circle and Facebook friends had ever seen. Soon after the shoot, K-Jill (his username on Facebook) posted on his wall: “Quite a day! I make the money poraroids, bitches! Horraback! ROR!” I think that little wall post tells the whole story folks, the man is such a praya.

The product that was chosen specifically for Dear Leader to model was the Virgin Duck Down Hooded Early Fall Chilly Morning Parkette. The colour of the jacket as modeled by the chosen saviour of the North Korean people was Chernobyl Myst Grey with Purple Asphyxia accents on the pockets:

There is no way the guy in the second row was allowed to have bullets in that gun. The guy with the binoculars? Probably soft foam rubber just in case there was an impromptu bludgeoning attempt.

Ever want to feel like you stand out from the crowd? Ever feel like everyone around you is wearing the same old thing? With the Virgin Duck Down Hooded Early Fall Chilly Morning Parkette from L.L. Bean, you can let your individuality shine through. Here we see Dear Leader setting the tone for cool in his Chernobyl Myst Parkette. You can clearly see the envy on the faces of the fashion slaves surrounding him. As if they needed another reason to look up to Dear Leader. Aren’t his looks and easygoing charm enough?

What are we waiting for? Everyone in North Korea is 189 years old. Steamrolling in should consist of a $1.99 Denny’s Blue Plate Special diversion and cutting off the Metamucil train supply routes and we’ll be running the place by Tuesday.

Here we see Dear Leader making what is obviously a very important point! The point is, when you and your posse roll up in matching Chernobyl Myst Parkettes, accented here with a Mongolian Prairie Dog Fur Campfire Hat, you make a statement. That statement is that you are no slave to trends! No way, sir! Sure, the rest of the world might have decided to feed their populations, and allow free speech and human rights, but you and your Parkette won’t be following the trendies anytime soon. You march to the beat of your own drummer, whether you’re making a choice of a chilly morning parkette, or deciding how many political dissidents to execute on any given day.

“And then I said ‘Lick my boots, Western Pig!’ and sure enough, Clinton did it. Oh, why am I telling you all this, you already read all about it in our one State controlled newspaper or saw the story on our one State controlled television news program.”

As if Dear Leader needed any help on the charisma front, his Parkette is the fashion talk of any get together with sycophantic, execution-wary military minions. One can be sure that it’s not only the snipers on the other side of the camera making these fellows grin in appreciation of Chosen Saviour’s loquacious self deprecating humour. He’s probably regaling them with the story of how he got his jacket by shooting a Capitalist Pig or how Madonna once offered to move to Poontang and be his personal concubine but he rejected her because she was too “used.” My goodness! That hair! Those glasses! That jacket! Truly, men want to be him and women want to be with him.

The Virgin Duck Down Hooded Early Fall Chilly Morning Parkette from L.L. Bean is the perfect complement to the wardrobe of any cubicle-dwelling worker drone with dreams of world domination and little fashion sense. Heck, if real dictators can wear it, you sure can while you’re planning how to depose your boss and move into the totalitarian top spot at your Kinko’s branch.