Having a tough time deciding which social networking site to call home? Scared you might be the last one MyBooking when everyone else is FaceTwitting? In order to help sort through the choices available I have compiled the following short guide to each of the Big Three social networking sites, Facebook, MySpace, and Twitterer..er.
Perfect For: People with a small number of irritating family members; people with ridiculously shitty typing skills and even worse vocabularies; people who think swearwords look like this: c**ks***er; people who are “fans” of stuff; people who want to randomly be accosted by forgotten past acquaintances with messages like “Wassup?” Yes, written just like that. Christ!
Not So Good For: People who can capitalize; people who don’t care one lickety-shit if anyone knows what they are doing right now (Brent is: taking a poopie! And picking a scab! At the same time! For Rizzeal!”); people who don't like lots and lots and lots and lots of stupid goddamn quizzes. Sample: “Jolene took the ‘How often do you douche?’ quiz and scored 16,562,732 points! Take the quiz now!” No. I don’t douche. I am not, however, above assisting someone else in that regard. And women say chivalry is dead!
Perfect For: All the dipshits that haven’t noticed everyone is on Facebook now; people who enjoy soul-sucking somber mood music and the colour black; people who are determined to ride out this Facebook fad; people who put a lot of work into their MySpace page and are just really hoping their friends come back from…Facebook.
Not So Good For: Illiterate doorknobs, some people on MySpace still have standards; people under 16 who don’t know what the fuck it is or even care; the last few lonely folks floating around in MySpace…Space…Space…Space. The echo effect was actually me. I’m too broke to afford expensive sound mixing equipment.
Perfect For: People with no attention span; people who can’t form complete paragraphs; people that don’t only dislike grammar and spelling, but also dislike punctuation and meaning as well; people who like to not work while at work; the over a million(!) fucking losers that care what Gimme More and Assface Klootcher are twitterering about. Sample: “Love You, Ass!” “Love You, Gimme!” “Hey, Ass, let’s have the grossest old-young sex ever!” “Okay, Gimme, just let me slip myself a little roofie first to help get me through it!” Barf!
Not So Good For: People with attention spans; people without opposable thumbs and no mouth-stick for their Blackberry; people who don’t think texting needed a next level; your boss’s bottom line; people who think referring to a comment as a “Tweet” in actual conversation is about as appealing as removing their own eyeballs with a homemade Grade 11 Metal Shop Project Melon Baller. Jesus, the burrs!!
As you can see, there are many considerations when choosing your preferred platform for internet social networking. The important thing however, is that you pick the one that works for you. Climb up high on that sucker and shout out to the world: “Finally! I officially have no fucking life!” before stage-diving into the the multitudes of your new compatriots gathered below,their outstretched arms waiting to welcome you into their pasty-faced ranks.
Personally, I like the "ancient" way of communicating. For those of you who don't know, it is actually talking to the other person, maybe by phone, or God forbid face to face. But, then you might not be able to sneak in there how many times you took a pee or how many hours you spend texting and/or playing totally meaningless games with a faceless "being". These sites can be summed up with one word: NARCISSISM. I also am a huge fan of full sentences, capital letters, proper spelling, and meaningful dialogue. You called it right!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat is Facebook? Is that like an updated version of Friendster?
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous: The "ancient" way of communicating is cool unless you need to use a carrier pigeon to call a fucking ambulance.
ReplyDeleteDear justmakingconvo.com: I'm not sure. Neither one of them would accept my attempts at registration, something about a "spam blacklist?"