I’ve been noticing lately that some celebrities just seem to be looking better and better as they age. Although I am not much of a conspiracy buff, an article I read recently indicated that some Hollywood personalities appeared to be looking better than they should at their age, even given their clean living pasts and healthy lifestyles. This same article hinted that even greater forces may be at work in these people’s discovered-the-fountain-of-youth appearances. I will attempt to present the issue from both sides, you be the judge:
Aging Gracefully?: Michael does look after his health by bleaching his skin to kill nasty aging bacteria, has never seen the sun, and keeps young by surrounding himself closely with prepubescent snuggling companions.
Alien Invasion?: He has somehow metamorphosed himself from an African-American kid into a bone-white adult and he does not appear to have a normal human attitude toward the number of other people’s kids that should sleep in his bed with him.
Aging Gracefully?: Mickey has kept his blood alcohol level high enough throughout his life to delay the effects of aging. He has also been very sparing with plastic surgery procedures, choosing instead to let his natural beauty shine through.
Alien Invasion?: He now has to drink through a sippy-cup (aliens apparently prefer this), and he seems to constantly wear the benevolent surprised grin of the world destroying Methulon people.
Aging Gracefully?: Joan Rivers’ acid containing blood and venomous tongue have helped to preserve her youthful beauty as well as keeping aging at bay through, well, fear.
Alien Invasion?: Leaked reports from the set of the Celebrity Apprentice set claim the sound of electric motors and servos could be heard whenever Joan moved. Also, in this picture she is 263 years old.
Obviously a good case can be made for both explanations. On one hand, these celebs’ timeless beauty could be the result of good clean living and a few insignificant and judiciously applied cosmetic procedures. On the other hand, their bodies could be inhabited by amorphous alien beings composed entirely of collagen, ass fat, and stitches. One last piece of evidence may influence your decision about an alien invasion however*:
Might be Niles from “Frasier.” Or not.
*Note: Picture will have greater effect if Close Encounters of the Third Kind theme music is playing in background when viewing.
yikes, what's that last one? tell me that's not a real face.
ReplyDeletefunny how i'm so used to the monstrous visages of micheal jackson and joan rivers that they don't even phase me anymore. it's like my favorite face transplant patients or burn victims, there's some initial horror but it passes fast enough.
but that these people did it to themselves in the name of *choke* BEAUTY should seriously be considered a mental illness akin to the kind of anorexia people fucking DIE from. california needs an intervention.
I think it might be Beavis. As far as the intervention goes, supposedly the first step to dealing with a problem is admitting you have one, and in Hollywood's case, that ain't happenin'!
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