Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Nazis in Our Midst, No Really, RIGHT in Our Midst!

I guess if I had to be totally honest, I would say that I have been accused of suffering from the odd delusion here and there throughout my lifetime. Like there was that one time, when I thought I actually had a shot at asking one of the popular girls in high school to go to a school dance with me. Delusional? Yep. Thank God for handwritten notes. That conversation would have really, really sucked face to face. Or that other time I thought I had been abducted by aliens and taken in a spaceship to a far off galaxy and then mercilessly anal probed for no apparent reason. Another delusion? You got it, homey. Turns out it was just a homeless guy wearing one of those Ronald Reagan masks from the movie Point Break, and the spaceship was just the back alley at Patty O’Drunkigan’s neighbourhood pub and adult video rental store where I had apparently passed out after closing time. I think it’s fair to say my imagination has gotten the best of me at times, but in my own defence, it was probably for the best given the bleak nature of the real situations.

Over time these random delusionary personality sniglets have led to a fair amount of amusement for my friends and family and myself. “University Degree?” laughter erupts! “Going to be anything other than a wage slave the rest of my life?” Hilarity ensues! “Goals?” “Dreams?” Oh, the snickering we would enjoy. There goes that Brent again, head in the clouds and ass in the gutter! This time, though, I really believe that I am on to something that others don’t seem to be aware of, even though the evidence is all around them, practically goose-stepping them right in their stupid, disbelieving faces. Sorry, that last part was a little bitter. I am going to present the evidence to you and let you be the judge. I can’t be the only one who sees it. It seems like everywhere I look, I see Nazis! That’s right, those guys they don’t teach you about in Canadian schools so maybe you could grow up to become one. Sorry, that part was a little bitter too. Can you explain the following pictures?

Finally...success!

This woman is apparently someone named Sarah Palin and she is supposedly a politician of some sort. I don’t believe it for a minute. I saw her performance during the last election in the U.S., and I am convinced that she is actually a clone of Eva Braun that has been created by some nefarious Shadow-Reich conspiracy group that didn’t do a good job splicing the genes responsible for brains. Inflammatory hand gestures aside, only someone cloned into present day from the 1940’s could have fucked that campaign up as badly as she did. Case closed.

Goose steppers

Okay, can someone tell me what the hell is going on here? I thought the goose-stepping crowd was limited to Stalinist throwbacks and Little Communist Dictatorships That Could, like Cuba. These people are plainly putting on some sort of goose-stepping clinic, with none other than “USA” emblazoned across their backs. The website said something about some martial art called Tae Kwon Do, whatever the screw that is. Sounds like something a Nazi would make up. I’ve only heard of Kung Fu before, I don’t know about you.

As if these public displays of blatant Naziism weren’t enough, I was out on a day parole walk in the park the other day and I witnessed this disturbing sight, which I was lucky to be able to capture in time with my Kodak Instamatic before the little bugger saw me looking and went back to walking normally:

The original goose-stepper

It’s all around us, people, it’s all around us. Don’t say I didn’t warn you when your child comes home with a permission slip to join his school’s “After School Aryan Club” or gets picked up in a school bus with a swastika on the side. The time to act is now, before it’s too late. Let me know how the battle is going, I’ve got a date tonight on a spaceship in a galaxy far, far away. Ready to go Ron?

6 comments:

  1. The City of Penticton recently announced that they were going to annihilate thousands of our little goose-stepping geese buddies for pooping on their beaches. Perhaps one should contact them as to their means of disposal and thence the same could be applied to all other goose-steppers lurking in the shadows of our great nation - oops that is the States, I mean in our humble country. But, how does one identify them then --- by their poop!!!!

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  2. If the only way to identify a Nazi was by the trail of shit left behind them, every politician in the world would be headed for a trial at the Hague.

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  3. Your unmatched ability to throw in a line like "mercilessly anal probed", a mention of the greatest movie of all times (PB), and a photo of the sexiest almost vice president ever - all in one post - is why I keep coming back to this place.

    Keep up the good work!

    Frankelstache

    P.S. You've heard my theory of why Hitler was ahead of his time, right?

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  4. Thanks for the kind words, McStach. Glad to see you are back from your holiday and posting again.

    I can't even imagine what the Hitler theory might be, but I am guessing it has something to do with our generation not getting a crack at him!

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  5. Ha. Well, not really.

    Before I start, a few disclaimers – I don’t condone anything that has to do with Hitler, the Nazi’s etc. Also, I’m going to use the word “Hitler” even though many historians claim that some of those decisions weren’t really his. I’m going to be talking big picture here, and I understand that the comparison I’m about to make isn’t perfect.

    Here goes:
    Hitler went out (amid everything else) to purify the race. His ideal person was Aryan, healthy, strong etc. Hitler started by eliminating the retards, the blacks, the gypsies, the autistic and the gays and then the Jews - all considered, on different levels as an inferior race.

    About a decade or more ago parents started terminating pregnancies when they found out their tot will have down syndrome, or is prone to have a different serious disease / defect.
    Today, parents can choose their future baby’s eye color. Their sex, and basically

    Now do I believe that in the future all of our babies will be 6’3, blue eyes, blond hair and impeccable teeth? Probably not all – but definitely more than 50%.
    Think I’m wrong? I might be. But people follow ‘norms’ willingly and they’ll follow this one, one day, too.
    Come to think about it, if I’ll able to assure my child’s health, wouldn’t be irresponsible of me to not act?

    Essentially, what Hitler tried doing in the 40’s, we’re doing to ourselves nowadays.

    Frankelstache

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  6. It is certainly true that the temptation to create a perfect tot is going to be too much for most prospective parents to resist.

    Do they have any idea, however, that by doing so, they will miss out on a world populated with people of a certain, shall we say, intriguing insanity? I'm thinking of you and me here. There won't be any place for us in that perfect world compadre.

    Enjoying your thoughtful comments as always, Stach Bandicoot.

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